Funny

  • Funny,  Politics,  Weirdness

    Everything you can say about America is true

    Vampire Candidate ‘Won’t Hide Evil Side’
    Thursday, January 12, 2006

    MINNEAPOLIS One gubernatorial candidate in Minnesota is giving a whole new meaning to the “dark side” of politics. A man who calls himself a satanic priest plans to run for governor on a 13-point platform that includes the public impaling of terrorists at the state Capitol building.
    ..
    Including the impaling of terrorists, rapists, drug dealers and other criminals, Sharkey’s platform includes emphasis on education, tax breaks for farmers and better benefits for veterans.

    I think govenors have been hiding their evil sides for far too long, and I welcome his candor. Throw in his impalement policy and I think we have a winner. Sure, it didn’t work for Dole in 96, but America has changed since then.

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  • Adages,  Funny,  Quotes,  Russia

    Joke of the moment

    From a Reason article on the future of Russia.

    Answering a question about the future of democracy in Russia, Shevtsova said: “To add some optimism to my conclusions, I’ve got my favorite joke that, it seems to me, reflects the ambiguity of our democratic movement.

    A sick man is picked up by an ambulance. He asks the doctor, ‘Doctor, where are you taking me?’ The doctor replies, ‘To the morgue.’ The man says, ‘But I’m not dead yet!’ The doctor says, ‘But we’re not there yet.’”

    If this is Russian-style optimism, I’d hate to see what the pessimism looks like.

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  • Funny,  Music

    Insights from the Carter Family box set

    I got the first Carter Family Box set recently. It’s quite good, and nowhere near as repetitive as most of these things. And at $25.99 its well worth it for disks. I think all Carter Family stuff is out of copywright, which is why it is so cheap.

    The current zinger, from the children’s song “Chewing Gum”

    I’d never marry a lawyer, I’ll tell you the reason why
    Every time he opens his mouth, he tells a great big lie

    I wouldn’t have a doctor, I’ll tell you the reason why
    He goes all over the country and makes the people die

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  • Adages,  Biz,  Funny

    A thought

    Whilst contemplating my working night (after a working day) I think of the adage that “Hard work never killed anybody”. Then I think, yes, it has. Millions in fact.

  • Economics,  Funny,  Weirdness

    Two from Dreck

    Specifically this post.

    The first link is to a post containing a proposed national anthem

    The Scotsman is mean, as we’re all well aware
    And bony and blotchy and covered with hair
    He eats salty porridge, he works all the day
    And he hasn’t got bishops to show him the way!

    and

    And crossing the Channel, one cannot say much
    Of French and the Spanish, the Danish or Dutch
    The Germans are German, the Russians are red,
    And the Greeks and Italians eat garlic in bed!

    The Germans are German is a lovely insulting tautology.

    And speaking of the Scots, this article Taller women are more career-driven – that’s the long and the short of it is well worth a read. I have no idea if it’s true or not, but any article that seems to use “homely” as a technical term must be interesting.

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  • Funny,  Quotes

    A useful vicious

    This month’s winner for biting commentary comes, not surprisingly, from Jeff Clark who dubbed The Aristocrats “an endurance contest for chronic masturbators”.

    I haven’t actually seen the movie., but I haven’t heard much good about it.

    And speaking of endurance contests, September is conspiracy to stop me from getting more than 5 hours of sleep a night. I finally have a light day and I get a new client with a crash and burn project that keep me up till 5:30, writing a blog post while files upload.

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